I wrote in the book about Domestic Violence, it’s history and current situation. It’s important for readers to understand that my opinion on the topic stems from 1982 when I was a volunteer for a Women’s Crisis Centre, I have been following the topic closely ever since.
In 1982 I was told that Domestic Violence was all the man’s fault, end of story. In 1983 I was booted out of the shelter for asking the question; “why do these women go from one abusive partner to the next?”
In 1982 it was widely accepted that 1 in every 19 women was a victim of DV, today the figure is 1 in 3. In 35 years, if their figures are accurate, violence against women has grown exponentially. If their figures are to be believed, and they should not, this should be the only proof necessary that Women’s Shelters have done nothing but make the problem worse.
What is actually closer to the truth is that it was never 1 in 19 women. A fairly respectable survey in 1984 by a radio host showed the number to be closer to be 1 in 137 of the women surveyed. The survey didn’t have a large sampling size and was only conducted in 1 city, but I would trust the survey as other surveys done by this group were always in the ballpark.
Nobody conceived at the time that men could be victims too, because these men should “grow a pair” and “Man Up”, but the truth we are discovering now is that men are probably abused more, by some estimates 72%, than women.
I do not for one minute want to suggest that Domestic Violence is acceptable for anyone or to minimise the issue. Most women who were murdered were killed by their partner. Most murders are “Crimes of Passion” or the victim is killed by a family member or someone known to the victim. What I do wish to do is point out that if the Domestic Violence Industry had been doing a proper job all these years, they could have wiped out DV in one generation.
From what I witnessed in the shelter in 1982, children learn about relationships from their parents. In an abusive home a little boy grows up thinking it’s his job to control his partner and a little girl grows up needing to be controlled. In many cases I have dealt with over the years I have seen this pattern repeat and repeat. Women leave an abusive partner and then go find another abusive partner. The same for men, they abuse every woman they have a relationship with. The partners who didn’t grow up in a DV home don’t tend to find other abusers. It should be clear that this is learned behaviour in many cases but it can also be unlearned. I started a self-help group for men in 1984, to date, I have never heard of a Treatment Program for women, ever. The local shelter refused to fund or support it in any way so I funded it myself. Why wouldn’t the shelter want to see abusive men getting treatment? Why is it that no shelters have any treatment programs for men or women? Don’t they want to stamp out DV?
Because the Domestic Violence Industry was hijacked by radical feminists when Erin Pizzey opened the first DV Shelter in the world, they have clung to the dogma that DV is “all the man’s fault”, and they still cling to that today. I have only ever heard of ONE Men’s Shelter, but it closed soon after opening. 4 out of 5 suicides are men, too many of these men are victims of women, or victims of abusive parents who were in a DV relationship.
The bottom line is that DV is treatable and preventable. There will always be Psychopaths and Sociopaths and violent criminals, but this is another issue. For treatment to be successful both men and women need to be treated by a skilled therapist. I sincerely doubt that 1 in 3 women are victims and perhaps someday a proper survey will be done. If the DV Industry were not ran by radicals who hate men, but instead skilled professionals who are willing to accept that men can also be victims, then maybe so many women wouldn’t be killed by abusive men, and maybe so many men wouldn’t commit suicide because they see no other option.
Let me close by saying that suicide is a permanent solution to what is often a temporary problem. Suicide doesn’t solve the problem, it prevents the possibility of finding a solution, and there are always solutions. Don’t consider suicide, think of the people you will leave behind, forever wondering why you didn’t come to them for help.